I’ve been bad, but I’ve been good.

So obviously I’m a TERRIBLE blogger… no consistency.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been working towards my goals as set out in my first blog.  It’s Friday and we all know what that means:  Weighday.

My goal weight for today was 144 lbs. and my actual weight was 143.4 lbs., so I’m right on schedule as of now.  And I have to say, for the most part, I’ve been pretty consistent in losing a pound a week.  It’s not exciting and I still get extremely envious when I watch them pull double digits on The Biggest Loser (which I’m addicted to), but it’s getting the job done.  I’m more than halfway to my goal weight and I am finally actually starting to feel lighter, which is a big deal (to me).

I have modified my strategy more times than I can count and have found that what works best for me (at this point anyway) is alternating days between light running and yoga.  I also started feeding my sweet tooth with either fresh fruit or soy yogurt (but, oh, coconut milk ice cream, I miss you so…).

And that’s pretty much my story these days.  I’ve been socializing more and having a good time in general (which is clearly a contributing factor in my lack of posts).  And, as is the nature of things, the boys are coming out of the woodwork (feast or famine, right?).

I haven’t given up on blogging, but it’s become apparent that daily blogging was a pretty ambitious goal for me to set for myself.  So I’m going to adjust my thinking and try to blog at least once a week.  We’ll see how that goes.  Until next time, happy blogging!

ThePlumpVegan

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The Best Intentions

When I started this blog I wanted to write every day.  And I wanted to walk every day.  Neither of those things has happened quite the way I wanted them to.

There are a few things I struggle with, with respect to running.  And last week brought two of them into focus.  One of the things I struggle with is not having consistent motivation.  Another is that when I’m on a stretch where I’m finding the motivation to get it done every day, if I have aches and pains I tend to ignore them.  This is very bad practice, particularly with respect to a high-impact activity like running.

So last week, in a rare symbiotic occurence, I lost my motivation pretty much exactly when I needed to take a break because I was having pain in my shins.  This is what happened…  I will run in the snow.  And I will run in the sweltering heat.  And I will run when it’s raining, if it’s relatively warm out.  But I cannot force myself to run in cold rain.

And anyone in the Philadelphia area can tell you that we had four days of absolutely horrible weather beginning last Friday (03/12/10).  Despite that, I actually put on my running clothes and got out the door on Friday.  But after running a few errands in the hopes the rain would at least slacken, I realized that I was going to be miserable.  At that point, I knew the forecast was going to be bad for a couple of days; so I decided that since I had pain anyway, I would not run or walk for the duration of the rainy period and that I’d reevaluate when the rain stopped.

The next nice day was Tuesday (03/16/10), but my shins were still sore at that point (even when just doing ancillary walking).  I decided to just wait it out to see how long it took for the pain to abate.  It has gotten slightly less every day, but I wasn’t really pain-free until today.  I am going to try to go for a very light run tomorrow and see how that is.  I have to admit that I feel like a slug, and I’m chomping at the bit to get back out there.  Not to mention that I need the release  running provides.  Even though I complain about it, I know it’s good for my mental health.  I feel like my psyche is definitely suffering from my lack of running.

But I also know that if I have a genuine overuse injury, coming back early defeats the healing process.  Oh, and it’s not helping that I’m behind schedule with my weight loss.  My goal last week was 153, and I weighed in at 154.6.  However, I was down 1.6 pounds from the week before so I was still okay with that.  But my goal this week is 152, and I don’t see how I could NOT have gained weight.  Not only have I not been doing any form of exercise, but I feel like a) daylight savings time kicked my ass and b) I went on a week-long carbs binge.

One of the potential pitfalls to being a vegan is that it can become very easy to overload on carbs.  I am usually very careful to keep my diet predominantly plant-based.  Not so this week.

So I have a terrible fear of the scale tomorrow.  Because I am afraid of the weight gain, but also because I’m afraid said weight gain will make me more likely to ignore pain and exercise even if the test run doesn’t go well tomorrow (and, yes, I am aware this is counterintuitive and stupid… but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a real struggle).

Anyway, that’s where my head is at right now.  I hope everyone else is following through on their best intentions…

The hardest days…

are the ones when you just don’t want to get out there.  You have the time and you have your running clothes on and you just don’t want to go.  Today was one of those types of days.  I’m happy to say I still made myself run, but it was definitely a mental struggle.

On a happier note, however, I saw the boy last night for the first time in a couple of weeks; and it went exceedingly well.  And I still found time to run yesterday.

I’m worried about weighing in Friday because two weeks ago I was .8 lbs over my goal weight and last week I was (sigh) 2.2 lbs over my goal weight.  And, quite frankly, I’m pretty sure there’s no way I lost 3.2 lbs this week to put me back on track.  But if I lost more than my one-pound-per-week goal, I’ll live with that because I’ll know that eventually I’ll make up that 3.2 lbs.

But now it’s time for me to call it an evening because I’m utterly exhausted.  More tomorrow….

Just another manic Monday

I haven’t  been writing, but I have been running.  Weighday wasn’t as good as it could’ve been, but it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been either.  I think I’m going to reserve judgment until this Friday.  I’ve been diligent about running or walking every day, and this week I won’t be in the middle of my menstrual cycle.  If I have another bad week, weightwise, I’ll just have to take stock then.

With respect to my running, I’ve been up and down with my pace; but mostly down.  I’m trying not to let it bother me that I’m substantially slower than I was a mere five months ago.  But then again, five months is almost half a year; so maybe it’s to be expected that I lost that conditioning.  Regardless, for now I’m just going to try to get out there consistently and hope that my pace will show some improvement soon.

On the boy front, I’m beginning to think we might be able to get past the bad place where we were; but I’m not counting any chickens yet.  I’ll keep you posted.

Tired

It’s been a long day and a long week and I’m tired; physically, mentally and emotionally.  And I think the kid upstairs has taken up tap dancing, and I want to hobble him.  I know that’s not nice, but I’m not in a particularly nice mood.

I did run today.  Tomorrow is Weighday, and I’m nervous about that.  But I’ll keep you posted.  I’m not talking about the boy tonight.  I just don’t feel like it.  Maybe another time. 

Until tomorrow.

A girl with a plan.

Another day, another run.  I ended up going back to Forbidden Drive again, partly because it’s on the way home (sort of) from school and partly because it looked like it might rain and there’s more coverage there than on Kelly Drive.  However, I ran in the opposite direction this time, which has less elevation changes and which I figured would have more of the path cleared of snow (it did).  It was still very muddy though.  Regardless, my distance today was 2.49 miles in 30 minutes (versus 2.35  yesterday).

Not exactly sprinting, but I got out there and got it done; so I’m not going to beat myself up for not being faster.  If I can just keep getting out there, I should be okay.  I’m not gonna lie though, I’m nervous about the scale this week.  Have you ever had weeks when you just felt heavier?  I feel like I weigh more this week.  My clothes are the same, but I feel like I’m carting around extra pounds.  I have no idea why.  So I’m not particularly looking forward to Friday.  But Aunt Flo’s coming to town, so that may explain it.

And to update you on the other area of interest in my life, the boy called this evening.  I have to say, I was surprised.  I was even more surprised when we had a good conversation that was very similar to how we were pre-TheUnfortunateRemark.  However, neither of us has made any mention of when we’re going to see each other again; so things are certainly not as right as rain.

I miss him a lot, but I find myself unwilling to make an overture to see him.  So for now I guess I’ll just have to wait and see (which is not exactly my forte… patience is not one of my virtues).  Wish me luck (on all fronts), and I’ll keep you posted.

A day late, but not a dollar short.

So I actually got out there for a 30-minute run last night (remarkable, I know).  The very, very sad part was that it took me 30 minutes to run 2.35 miles, which is definitely a new low for me.  However, I’m going to qualify that by telling you that I ran on Forbidden Drive, which was extremely muddy and still snowy in a lot of places, so I had to tread very carefully in a lot of spots.  I’m going to try to go for a run on Kelly Drive this afternoon after class.  That will be flat, dry and paved and so should provide a more accurate gauge of exactly how slow I’ve gotten (and let me assure you, I was never fast to begin with).

But one of the reasons I was able to get out there and run was because of THIS:

http://www.warriordash.com/register2010_northeast.php

If you check out the page, you HAVE to run your cursor over the photos.  I got so friggin’ excited when I saw this race!  I’ve actually already registered, and not only that, but I also got two of my sisters, one of my nieces and one of my best friends to sign up for it too.  Anyone else out there care to join us?   The more, the merrier! 

I will touch base later tonight and let you know how the run this afternoon goes.  And maybe I’ll have an update about the boy.  Or maybe I won’t.  That situation is just a hot mess.  I don’t even know what I want with respect to him anymore.  We went from having all the potential in the world to me seriously questioning whether I would want to be involved with someone who gets that upset over small stuff (and take my word for it, it really was small stuff).  But I don’t want to get sucked into obsessing over that right now.  More later.

Hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

ThePlumpVegan

Feast or Famine

Two posts in one day… will wonders never cease?

So I felt obligated to write about the phone call.  I sat in class for hours with my heart in my throat thinking of all sorts of terrible things that could be said during the conversation, and then when I called him it was like, well, nothing. 

Now, don’t get me wrong; it was definitely awkward and off and not anything like our conversations prior to Saturday, but he didn’t even mention it.  Nothing.  Not one word.  He told me about his work the past two days (he’s on a wacky 10-days-straight schedule until Wednesday) and how he’s been feeling under the weather and some other anecdotal stuff, but nothing about the fact that he hadn’t spoken to me in two days when we normally speak more times a day than I can count (if you count texts anyway).

Part of me wanted to address the situation, but part of me was happy to pretend it never happened.  But only a small part of me.

And now I guess we just see how it progresses.  He said he would call me tomorrow evening.   I can tell you already that I miss the fact that before this I could have just said, when am I going to see you; I miss you (and not felt in the least bit awkward about it).  Now everything seems strained, and I’m wondering how to get back where we were.  Or if we can.

About a boy.

I apologize in advance that this post isn’t going to have all that much to do with my weight loss goals/journey (well, except to the extent that everything affects everything else).  But I might as well start with that portion of it since this is supposed to be a weight loss blog.

So Fridays are my Weighdays.  Last Friday my goal weight was 155 lb.  My actual weight was 155.8 lb. (which is the same weight I was on the previous Friday).   On the one hand, I didn’t make my goal; and I’m unhappy about that.  On the other hand, I didn’t walk all week and I didn’t gain any weight so I can’t really complain. 

I was struggling to find motivation to get out there again, so this past Saturday I registered for a 5K on April 17th.  Nothing like a little competition (with myself) to get the old juices flowing.  The last 5K I ran was in the beginning of November, I believe.  And I broke a 10-minute mile pace for the first time.  I haven’t really been running since then, so I doubt I’ll be making any personal records; but I also don’t want to be so far away from that time that I’m embarrassed to tell you all how I did.   So I’m hoping that having that on the calendar will jump-start my motivation.  It’s already had an effect, as I got out there and walked today for the first time since 2/19, I believe.

So I’ve revised my goal somewhat and made it to either walk for an hour or run for 30 minutes a day, as long as I do one or the other every day.  Sometimes it’s hard to carve out that hour’s time (despite the fact that I find walking infinitely more enjoyable than running).  The real goal, after all, is to do something everyday.  And, I will admit, I have been sadly lacking recently.

Which brings me to ‘About a boy.’   I warn you right now, feel free to stop reading now, as this post is about to become a venting session because (for purely superstitious reasons) I have no one to talk to about it.  I suppose I should explain the superstitious comment.  I’ve noticed with the past few boys I’ve dated that things could be going along fabulously well, and as soon as I told anyone about said new boy, things deteriorated rapidly.  I can’t even hazard a guess as to why that is, but it made me leery.  So when I started dating this particular boy (in early February), I decided I wasn’t discussing him with anyone until at least the one month mark (and maybe even longer).   For that reason, my friends and family know I’ve been dating someone, but that’s all they know.  So I have no one to vent to.  A sorry state of affairs indeed.

Things had been going along very well with said boy.  Or perhaps I should say I thought things were going along very well.  Then this past Saturday I made a stupid, thoughtless comment to him (probably because I was feeling a little insecure that past week, but that’s another story) and things went south.  Here’s the thing:  I know what I said was a mistake, and I know it upset him.  But I apologized immediately (multiple times).

We were on the phone at the time, and I was actually getting a bag together to head to his house (we live about an hour apart).  Needless to say, I didn’t need the bag.  Our phone conversation ended around 8:30 on Saturday night, and I thought (erroneously, as it turns out) that he was going to eat his dinner and call me back.  No call that night.  No call Sunday.  So Sunday evening (at 5:46 p.m.) I send him a text message that says:  “I’m sorry about what I said to you; it was thoughtless and I sincerely regret it.  For what it’s worth, I’m incredibly sad not to be speaking with you.”

No response.  So I’ve basically been sick with worry over this since Saturday night.  It’s very rare that I really like anyone.  And I really like this boy.  REALLY.  Part of me is berating myself for being an idiot; and the other part is telling me that if he’s willing to toss me over so quickly for something so small (in the big scheme of things), then what do I want him for?

So today (at 4:03 p.m.) I get a text from him saying: “Not ignoring you just busy.  Call me when you get home tonight if you want.”

My first thought is that I’m happy to hear from him.  My second thought is that he’s full of shit, and he most certainly has been ignoring me.  My third thought is, what if he wants me to call him so he can tell me “live” that he doesn’t want to see me anymore?

Mondays are my (brutally) long day.  I have work in the morning, and then class in the afternoon and evening.  I don’t usually get home until around quarter to ten at night.  So now I have to sit here for the next 4+ hours with a knot in my stomach wondering if I’m going to call him to have him tell me it isn’t going to work between us.

So there you have it.  That’s my personal drama.  I’m sorry to have (figuratively speaking) emotionally puked all over you, but I didn’t have anyone else to share it with and I’m already sick over the whole thing.  I genuinely felt like I had to get it out.  Thanks for listening.  Or reading.  You know what I meant.

I’ve been a bad, bad girl

So, quite obviously, I haven’t been diligent about writing the past couple of weeks.  What started out as a few days of not walking due to really inclement weather turned into a free-fall of laziness.   I think I’ve walked less than 7 times in the past 14 days.  The first week wasn’t too bad.  My goal was 157 and I weighed in at 155.6.  However, the second week I was up to 155.8.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s not terrible.  Especially when you factor in that my goal for that week was 156, so I was still under it.  But I’m underwhelmed with my performance to say the least.

I have been trying to get back into walking daily, but I have REALLY been finding reasons not too (most of which are related to not having enough time for it).  That isn’t to say that they aren’t valid reasons, but I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t force myself to squeeze in that hour walk on a daily basis.

So now here I am confessing, hoping that by putting my laziness out there for the world to see I will be able to move past it and get back on track.  I certainly need to.  I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.  And someone please yell at me if I clam up again.